Knowledge Nugget // Conflict

I’m a bit of a people pleaser, so it makes sense that conflict is not one of my strongest suits. As for my other half, he doesn’t deal with that fear quite as much! It’s not that D likes it, but he is good at confronting it head on for the sake of peace afterwards. Logical idea, he has. Easier said than done for me.

We both have insecurities when it comes to conflict resolution, though. I am likely to feel bad for not choosing to act on something a certain way. He is likely to feel bad for pushing something too hard or too soon.  Our confrontational styles (not necessarily in a negative way) are just different… but that can be okay! Instead of feeling blamed & guilty (me) or acusatory & insensitive (him)… we have learned these differences help us to become more self-aware. Why do I feel guilty? Potentially, because I am experiencing something that I know I am insecure with, that I know is a problem, or that I don’t like to confront in myself. Why does he feel bad for pushing a subject? Maybe because it’s not the first time he’s had to do it, beause he doesn’t like the confrontational tolls conversations may take, or because they hit a deeper rooted issue that he is protecting.

The good thing about conflict is that we can learn from our tendencies. They are good indicators of things that we can recognize & acknowledge within ourselves and not push off onto someone else. And, when you don’t feel at odds with someone, it is a lot easier to apologize and forgo defensiveness. This light-bulb-moment really was big and still difficult for me.

Look at the confrontations you experience over and over again. They are most likely centered around an issue that is habitual for you. Yes? Look at the type of confrontations you have and the way you handle them. Overall, I’d like to become less forgetful and more proactive, less overwhelmed and more secure in differences, and less wavering and more confident in my awareness of conflict resolution, while resting in the peace that we will always work through things. Becoming sensitive and concious of the differences we all have is healthy, and it helps us to work with our strengths instead.

I was talking with a friend about how difficult relationships really are and how it may not always look like that from the outside. It’s normal and should be expected that everything won’t always be pretty… and that’s hard for someone who “likes things pretty.” D always tells me that we are a team. When you act like you’re on the same side, the game is a lot more fun!

So, in conflict resolution, remember to have grace in your relationship and recognize that “there [is] no malice. There [is] no ill-intent.” How easy it is for us to be thankful for the God’s undeserving grace and not extend the same grace to our loved ones in the hard times! Put your partner/friends/parents/people first. Protect each others insecurities. Pray through conflict. Play. Be happy. 2013 sure has been the beginning of much happienss!

Harships

Broken Pieces

Knowledge Nugget // Snacking

I’ve taken many rides on the weight-loss, healthy eating, get fit train. I can think of plenty reasons (which may sound like excuses to you) for why I am where I am… being tied to a desk from 9:00-5:00, our combination of busy schedules, exhaustion from not being in shape, which leads to more laziness. There it is, full circle! I’ve hit a low. I’m tired of being tired, of not enjoying my closet, of feelin guilty for eating what I know I shouldn’t. And I know I can change that.

I appreciate the lows, the wake up calls where our minds are changed and our desires get in line with our actions.

Along with other things, like waking up early, I am limiting my sweet treats, while also choosing healthy portions & snacks. Using MyFitnessPal makes it incredibly easy to scan the food I eat and keep track of what actually goes in my mouth! At the beginning, I easily become too focused on inputting food information, but I plan to allow this tool to help instead of hinder my process. Make the effot. Input what you can. Let go of what you can not.

As long as you are thinking about the effects of your choices, you’re on the right train.

So, snacking… My favorite! In order to avoid the growing, communal candy drawer at work, D came up with the idea to make trailmix! Individually packed, salty & sweet mid-day treats that are 2/3rd healthy and 1/3rd heck yes! So far, these little snack packs have been filling and just what the diet-doctor ordered!

Peanuts, cashews, almonds, sunflower seeds, raisins, toasted wheat cereal, pretzel crumbles, semi-sweet morsels, yogurt covered raisins, m&m’s - which alternate between regular and peanut butter…

Trail Mix IngredientsSnack PacksMore snacking and healthy food ideas to come! If you can’t tell by now, we really like food.

Trying to learn to let the food love us back.

Knowledge Nugget // Happiness

You can’t find your happiness in another person. Thanks, captain obvious.

Whether you are someone in a new relationship, one who has had a lack of previous relationships or a plethora of failed relationships, this common sense statement is a good reminder.

D recently read an article [[ I Didn’t Love My Wife When I Married Her ]] and this idea was brought back to my attention. Someone else can make you very happy, feel complete, and want to spend every moment with them, but happiness is much more than the “emotional fire” Elad Nehorai talks about in the article. Basically, “…love isn’t an emotion. That fire I felt, it was simply that: emotional fire. From the excitement of dating a woman I felt like I could marry. But it wasn’t love. No, love isn’t an emotion or even a noun. It’s a verb. Better defined as giving. As putting someone else’s needs above your own.” Being happy and in love makes you crazy for a time, the best kind of crazy! It’s that crazy that makes you realize you’ve found your match. It’s a reminder to daily love the one who loved us first & put your happiness in Him! He loves us beyond all measure or mistake or accomplishment or relationship. When we serve our loved ones and those around us, it is a reflection of that love we have recieved. Everything falls into place when we “do” love.

One thing you may not know about me… I love Relevant Magazine. I get weekly emails from the publication, and it is the ONE email I always keep after my daily dumping of emails I’ve regretably signed up for. [[ Side note: yes, I should unsubscribe, but for some reason it seems easier to just continually delete. What if I do miss something? I mean, I did originally sign up for it at one point!? Honestly, I'm just overwhelmed and do my best to keep it as organized as I can without having to compeltely start fresh. ]] Back to my point… they posted an article about 20 things to know before you’re 30. In a search to continaully love one another and keep ourselves healthy, happy and on the right path, these reminders were much welcomed.

Here ends your dose of article love.

E

Knowledge Nugget // Rise & Shine

Morning Mist

Wake up early.

Easier said than done – - I have never been good at this, but I have recently found (slash been forced & can learn to appreciate) a new determination to rise & shine! Hello, adulthood?!

Life gets busy, and when that 5:00pm-grown-up bell rings, the precious few hours left in the day go quickly! In hopes of actually being able to get some things done, I’ve found that once my eyelids can hold themselves up, the morning can be very productive: read, work out (my biggest!), do chores, catch up on any tasks that need completing,  etc. I’ve yet to regret the decision to wake up early. There is now more time to finish anything I need after work or spend it with loved ones! D is quality time’s #1 fan & I’m his! So, it’s much easier to make down time good when there has been a productive morning! D is much better at all cock-a-doodle-do stuff, but he does have some years on me, you know! ; ) Our definitions of “early” will be a bit different for quite a while, I imagine. And that’s okay!

Practice: Be a big girl, or boy. Fight for your time in the morning, even if it means fighting the morning, initaly. Start off small. Wake up early once or twice a week! Once you see the benefits, it will get easier and easier. Speaking for myself, I have a ton of energy at the end of the day when I’ve had a morning workout! Hyper E, all the way.. you’ve been warned!

photo credit :: D instagram