Knowledge Nugget // Conflict

I’m a bit of a people pleaser, so it makes sense that conflict is not one of my strongest suits. As for my other half, he doesn’t deal with that fear quite as much! It’s not that D likes it, but he is good at confronting it head on for the sake of peace afterwards. Logical idea, he has. Easier said than done for me.

We both have insecurities when it comes to conflict resolution, though. I am likely to feel bad for not choosing to act on something a certain way. He is likely to feel bad for pushing something too hard or too soon.  Our confrontational styles (not necessarily in a negative way) are just different… but that can be okay! Instead of feeling blamed & guilty (me) or acusatory & insensitive (him)… we have learned these differences help us to become more self-aware. Why do I feel guilty? Potentially, because I am experiencing something that I know I am insecure with, that I know is a problem, or that I don’t like to confront in myself. Why does he feel bad for pushing a subject? Maybe because it’s not the first time he’s had to do it, beause he doesn’t like the confrontational tolls conversations may take, or because they hit a deeper rooted issue that he is protecting.

The good thing about conflict is that we can learn from our tendencies. They are good indicators of things that we can recognize & acknowledge within ourselves and not push off onto someone else. And, when you don’t feel at odds with someone, it is a lot easier to apologize and forgo defensiveness. This light-bulb-moment really was big and still difficult for me.

Look at the confrontations you experience over and over again. They are most likely centered around an issue that is habitual for you. Yes? Look at the type of confrontations you have and the way you handle them. Overall, I’d like to become less forgetful and more proactive, less overwhelmed and more secure in differences, and less wavering and more confident in my awareness of conflict resolution, while resting in the peace that we will always work through things. Becoming sensitive and concious of the differences we all have is healthy, and it helps us to work with our strengths instead.

I was talking with a friend about how difficult relationships really are and how it may not always look like that from the outside. It’s normal and should be expected that everything won’t always be pretty… and that’s hard for someone who “likes things pretty.” D always tells me that we are a team. When you act like you’re on the same side, the game is a lot more fun!

So, in conflict resolution, remember to have grace in your relationship and recognize that “there [is] no malice. There [is] no ill-intent.” How easy it is for us to be thankful for the God’s undeserving grace and not extend the same grace to our loved ones in the hard times! Put your partner/friends/parents/people first. Protect each others insecurities. Pray through conflict. Play. Be happy. 2013 sure has been the beginning of much happienss!


Broken Pieces

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